I think this is an expected thing for women to do. Grocery store cashiers, random people in the elevator, and taxi drivers dont want or need more of a response. But they seemed concerned that this type of answer was not appropriate or that there might be a better strategy. I would actually be pretty weirded out by a friend who a) felt this was genuinely intrusive BUT b) also would not actually tell me they felt this was too intrusive. No, that is a very bad script with pushy family connections. I understand the concept, but it seems to me that getting an invitation after revealing that you were nominally free at that time would make refusal even harder, not easier. I too wish I had the strength & Phoebe confidence to pull of that line. Your mother/father and I are going to X, would you like to come along?. Especially not in NYC, where housing is so tight, and especially when she doesnt have a job.). (Im looking at you, mom, and you too, aunt.). Im much better at saying no now, and I realize that in most situations saying no is a perfectly socially acceptable answer. Im lucky because any plans for the weekend? questions are just small talk (i.e. *In my case, Z has agreed to push the Ask her yourself button instead of passing messages along. BUT! I just want to say I appreciate that, you know, you havent started charging your daughter rent, etc. Them no problem, I hope things are going well for you. How are you? 13 "It was so relaxing. Its not lazy that I did X this week which meant I was in pain by Friday night. I have learned over my decade plus of retail experience that the key to small talk that doesnt annoy people is to feel out what they seem excited to talk about. I feel like its asking me to say yes or no to an invitation / commitment before I even know what it is (like, if youre having a party I might be free, but my babysitting quota is full for the month so no to that). I always just say What do you have in mind? It hasnt failed me yet! Yes, exactly. That would have been a really frightening prospect for me. But it can also just mean I love you and want to hear about things youre doing that youre excited about; it comes up all the time with friends who live far away! Or something. DP: As you know, [ note, I do not know ] I need someone to [ renew my library book | paint my bathroom | walk my parakeet | clean my cat litter ] and I hoped you might help. May suggest reversing the order of operations? Two main reasons that I can see: 1) They want to get to know you better and talking about how you like to spend your weekend is often a great way to do that. Sorry, Im busy. Me: Nope. Are you willing? or, if Im feeling that Im entitled to demand it, Ill say, are you available? (example: Im not going to react well if you want to play Minecraft instead of helping me wrap the favors for grandpas birthday dinner; if youre getting together with friends, online or IRL, or doing homework, OK). If I have to treat her like a grownup, and not like my minor child that I can boss around, she can fucking treat ME like a grownup, and not like her mommy that she takes for granted. I prefer living and working in places with a major international contingent for that reason so that different is what is normal. that sounds fun! *Him: Hello, how are you? It changed how I felt about her for a long time. @TootsNYC Just wanted to say that I really like the phrasing you spell out in your first comment, in that youre acknowledging that youre making a request for your daughters time and effort. So yeah, I think your Swedish approach is fairly standard for American culture as well. A professor I studied under said she, without thinking about it, had an automatic habit of spotting people likely to do that oh Im so nice to your differentness type of racism and trying to run interference to keep them from saying that crap around her grad students. Theres nothing bad with setting them and enforcing them, and if youre dealing with people who cant respect them, the question itself is not the biggest problem in the relationship. B: Cool. (huge smile) I told you that this is our private time and we will not be walking with you! Funny Bumble Answers #4: Ironic, Nerdy-Cute Guy Its a little more inconvenient to go to a different branch, but I do that sometimes, or mobile banking or attempt to time it so that I end up with another teller. TootsNYC, why do you feel entitled to some of her time because shes a member of your family? Oh, sorry, I cant., What are you doing Thursday night? I was hoping you would be able to tell me that. They may just be an indirect communicator, and Hey, want to go have dinner might feel too abrupt without any conversational preamble. Helen Huntingdon mentioned interruptingI just want to say, thats a helluva an assumption. That wasnt an assumption it came directly from what you posted about deciding to take her leisure time. I love this response: not sure what Ill be in the mood for. What sounds good on Wednesday is not always what I want to do on Saturday. If someone challenges me on something, my default response is to assume the other person is right and I am wrong. You? and see if he gets stuck in a loop. This is my first time commenting because so much of this rang true. Instead we got stuck attending an MLM pitch. What to Say: "Thank you, I had a great weekend.". She looks so comfortable. It follows the script they want, which is that the person they are targeting needs their approval of their reason for pleading off. I also feel compelled to give easy ways out when I feel like Im making a request, including ending requests with and no is a perfectly acceptable answer.. If I had a tail, I would wag it! For example, Looking forward to the weekend? or I hope you get to relax this weekend.; My take is that if they wish to continue the conversation, they will do so, but if not, they can reply with a Yes/No. I mountain bike every weekend!
Best Episode | Law & Order: SVU - Best Episode - Facebook People here may be disagreeing that it should be a normal social rule, but if you change your behavior to meet that, youll be wrong by other standards. If I catch myself, before they respond lll clarify what my actual invitation is. So, I have learned its a lot easier if I answer I might be working that weekend (which has the benefit of being true, I do work most weekends) and then find out what she wants to do and decide if I want to go. Like I said, you know the people and the situation better than I, an Internet Stranger, do. WHAT WILL YOU DO AT THE WEEKEND?? Them We need to have lunch soon That being said, in a couple of guys Ive dated in the last few years, Ive been amazed at how fast and how almost without me noticing they can go from planning and executing dates very well to somehow only being able to function if Im doing it. They also influence how OFTEN. I too have found that nobody seems offended if I respond with a cheerful: Why? Without answering their question at all. Its not an actual request for information, its a greeting and acknowledgement of each others existence. As far as I can tell both we should hang out sometime/lets have lunch and yeah, we should can translate to you are a nice person I have run into on the street or to I want to see you, lets make plans.. And when they do, you need to be prepared with the most appropriate reply to make the most of the situation.
101 Funny And Witty Responses To The Question "How Are You?" I feel like letting her sleep is far more important than my social life right now., Sorry, I know it sounds like a stupid excuse.
Great Responses to "What are you doing?" - HubPages I live in a face culture, so saving the face of the invitee who wants to turn your invitation down is very important. The. I think its interesting how LW is talking about what seems to me to be a specific social paradigm/situation that a lot of the commentators do not share? I used to feel guilty about that until I framed it in my mind that its disingenuous to ask about my weekend as entrapment instead of asking me an honest question. I don't know, you tell me. If you both talk about what to do in the garden (I know you probably dont own one, its an example), is it a conversation like I want to plant radishes Well, I want to plant flowers Fine, then we plant one half with flowers of your choice and one half with radishes and everyone waters everything? !" I shall think on why. I automatically ask this without thinking about it pretty often. Justit can be a lot sometimes. Shell show up at your house again, or track you down partway to school. I wish that just once I had the wherewithal to respond to a manipulative invitation like LW describes with the classic Phoebe Buffet line: Oh, I wish I could, but I dont want to.. , Related the person who just assumes youre doing whatever theyve planned for you because its a family thing and youre family or I asked Z and they said you were free* or What else would you be doing? Early on in dating the boything, he would ask what I was doing that night in a way that made me think it was small talkso Id say oh, Im working on [project] probably, or I might just have an early night. And then he would assume I wasnt free, whereas if he would have said hey do you want to have dinner? I would have been on board. Were having a party. I still have the same question of why do this? All five are information-seeking: listen closely, and you will learn something about that person's life, character, and ideas. Its mostly me trying to figure out a friends general level of free time and not impose if theyre busy or dealing with a crisis. I have friends who do that, along with a SIL, and I also find it stressful/annoying. Nanani, that is absolutely true. Apparently, social people use this question as a test to see if you are really one of them. Unhelpful? I may need some babysitting So whats the fallout if I tell her I need her help with something, and she refuses without a good reason (because she wants to play Minecraft or listen to a podcast)? On the other hand, there are the problem/dominance-related ones: 1. 14 "It was a riot! Its just one of the normal options. I eat most things except Mexican, but with some people I have learned to just make the decision or well spend so much time dithering that once we decide on a place, my lunch break will be over. Them: What are you doing this weekend? Wow is all I got. Why do you ask? is my go-to response as well. I think thats why it can sometimes be difficult to answer? Or is it more like she doesnt get involved into such decisions but you expect her to follow through and water your radishes? Lets do it.). My ILs do this. You an also use it to deflect people like the commenters who are entirely not malicious, because it can serve the same purpose of filling small talk, providing a topic of easy conversation, and/or signaling that you are busy but flexible to people you actually like. I think there is something to be said for family relationships between adults where the balance is between emotional labor and responsibility for the home rather than money. I get it from friends (who usually just want to find a time to hang and thats not so bad), my cousin (who usually wants me to babysit), my mom (whenever she wants to invite me somewhere), and people Im chatting with on dating websites. Its harder to say if someone doesnt do their fair share of emotional labor, or figuring out their fair share of chores if theyre not physically or mentally able to do the same amount as you. They may be angling to invite you somewhere. In every group Ive been in it is socially acceptable and expected that you can say youre busy for whatever reason you want. I might hang out with some friends on Sunday. I can deal with how are you, since that has an easy script for answering even if it took me a while to memorize it, and where are you from.
86 Funny and Flirty Responses To 'How Are You Doing?' - Monk at 25 It seems to me to have grown somehow out of how do you do, to which the appropriate response was, of course, how do you do. More and more, Ive been owning that I dont ever have to say yes. Also, Ive had dozens of this same conversation and witnessed hundreds more: [person comes up to their friend] No more Did I say sunday I meant saturday, now you have to change all your weekend plans ever again. Oof this is hard, because how you deal with it can and will vary so wildly depending upon whos doing the asking of you. Once we own that, and stop feeling guilty, etc., it becomes easier to seize the power, and it becomes easier to think of what we ARE going to say. For example, if there were a certain number of hours per week or month that she needs to work at certain things you set, Im not seeing a problem. How about you? (Like just because I have no plans, I must do the Thing she wants to do. So I got in the habit of saying, I have no plans and thats just the way I like it. Plus they have the freedom to say Nah, cant on Saturday, but Im free Friday or whatever. The thing about she is family, and I expect family to do X is: Who decides what is necessary, when is it necessary, and who needs to do it? You are doing things and going places. I have friends who grew up in Poland but have been UK citizens for decades at the tops of their highly-respected professions. That, or non-questions. Since youre not busy, do you want to go to [event] with me? If Im 100% sure that I dont want to do the thing based on the asker I treat this as open license to complain about how busy I am. This breaks the meaningless exchange of localized variations in air pressure aspect of the typical greeting, and most people seem to respond favorably to having good things introduced into a conversation. Those non-negotiable things come up probably twice a month, at most. I should add it somewhat depends on how well I know the person. I really wish I had some better scripts to deal with this stuff how do I limit our contact with her to a level where the kids and I are still happy to see her, without pissing her off? My own mother STILL phrases things the way she did when I was a teen like, How would you like to take out the garbage? well, I wouldnt LIKE to take out the garbage at all! Being one half of a couple is also very handy in this respect. I dont use it myself because I dont like the way it comes across. Which is why weve all learned to use our words, though it takes some learning and there are still occasional misunderstandings. And I try to be easier on myself for not having more exciting weekend plans. Ok so Ive been wanting to go to this play, I was thinking of going to the Friday night show or the Saturday matinee, would you be interested in one of those dates?. ? comments. (My brother and sister in particular also had to learn from both their friends and myself that, just because they love me and love them doesnt mean that were all friends) I could only imagine if that question were followed by an expectation of service or freedom to assume I was going to a thing. I miss you though, can we plan dinner soon? And I have a date Saturday, but I would love to get a phone call-catchup on the calendar if youre freemaybe Sunday afternoon? (These examples are all people I want to spend time with I also use a lot of swamped this weekend! I dont know many people who issue we should hang out soon with the expectation that the recipient is then supposed to plan an event if they agree? As I explained, however, sometimes responding to a compliment requires a funny response. Developed with the most common customer inquiries in mind, these responses give customer service reps the power to represent your brand with uniformity, accuracy, and speed. So with someone new, Did you do anything good last weekend? She had already asked him. But why would you feel entitled to her time to help with party favors for a party youre throwing? 1. Why do people ask? You? I kind of resent that you assume I will tell you. She gets what crowds people like and is on point with inviting me to the right events. Young women and girls are not stupid. So the reframing may help. In my case this is always 100% true because unless I literally have my calendar open in front of me I do not know what I am doing at literally any time on any day.
30 Best Responses when Someone Asks "What Are You Doing" They think I cant give a soft no because Ive already said Im not busy and I cant give a hard no because Im a woman. a coworker you dont hang out with outside of work asking this question on a Friday) and as a pre-request/invitation. I was taught that if you are actually inviting people for something, its rude to do it by asking them what theyre doing that night first, because it traps them without a believable excuse for saying no. So mostly I just want the question to go away lol, but since, as the Captain said, thats not likely to happen any time soon, I thought Id try to learn some better ways to navigate it, and again, all of your responses have been extremely helpful! interactions that I think stand a significant chance of blowing up in peoples faces. Setting that aside for the moment, its apparently *supposed* to go like this: If an acquaintance asks How are you? and I answer and ask back like I do at home, am I way off? Mild office small talk is fine with me, and I have a few coworkers who may become friends. Cause you dont have to find out if Im busy BEFORE inviting me to something or asking me for a favor. Personally, Id recommend not babysitting at all for six months to allow cousin the time to get used to the idea that LW is not cousins handmaiden, then seeing if LW can re-engage with the cousin in a mutually respectful manner. and then if I do end up wanting to do whatever it is they want to do, suddenly my schedule cleared up! But its all about context, and thats not the context the LW is talking about. OK, you want to ASK if hell help you w/ your home maintenance, fine, but these are not HIS chores anymore. [I often go in around lunch time.] And I try to be easier on myself for not having the exciting weekends I think I should be having. So, sometimes it is a trap! Thank you for a better way to ask this question. For those who are ready to stand out from the crowd, we've gathered ten hilarious out of office messages that will inspire you to raise the bar the next time you sit down to write an autoresponder. But it can still be frustrating to deal with. My MIL does thatshe asks DH if we can come to dinner, and he says, Ill have to ask Toots. Then she calls me and asks me, and I say, I have to ask DH. Really early on, she did this, and then laughed at my answer and said, I asked him, and he said he had to ask you. And it absolutely has a cost, even for him. And then if its something I dont want to do BUT its a person I dont want to discourage, I can say, That sounds like youll have fun! Vacuuming the cat or shaving the yak* or something. If it doesnt work with my schedule, I will tell you. You get to notice pretty fast that your opinions, feelings and thoughts dont matter if they dont conform to a view of the world that doesnt let them look like heroes and you like a cultural clich. I ask this question all the time. If you follow through with people you actually want to see (as in, Can I let you know tomorrow? = You actually let them know one way or another tomorrow), you arent being a jerk by not responding immediately to their questions or invitations, and you dont owe a full accounting of your time. Its clearly related to the other ones, not just random strangers. We can debate all day whether that should be true, but it is. Let the customer know you empathize with them and use their name to personalize your communications. person: cool yep Its hard to navigate things as just small talk when follow-up questions and comments quickly lead to territory I dont want to discuss. That is AMAZING and I love Gladys (and you) and that is going directly into my repertoire for Dealing With Those Extroverts. What did _you_ have in mind?. I also get your daughter refusing to comply with requests that arent made with at least normal adult civility it was not even a request, in fact, but an order. The kind of situation where someone finds out you are free that evening and then says, Good! Oh you want to invite me to happy hour [with a bunch of colleagues I hate when theyre sober let alone when theyre drunk]? What the letter-writer is doing seems a bit like foreign people not grasping at first that Americans dont expect How are you? to be answered literally. Her Kid: *rings doorbell* again my mum says shall we wait for you? People use it for all sorts of reasons. None of us see each other over weekends.
Funny Responses to "What Are You Doing?" - Mom Advice Line When you are waiting for the Good morning text. Are you busy? Spares you from having to say Great and feel like youre lying (which can be uncomfortable even when you *are* aware youre participating in a defined social ritual), but also averts the worry that if you say things are bad, the asker will pry for more details. Im thinking the letter we had a while back with mandatory no premade food potlucks is a glaring example of a culture that needs changed, but I would also like to see room in the workplace for people who are good at their work but are reserved/private/not interested in relationships with their coworkers outside of work. Oh my god I have to go to (thing) which is (plaaaaace). Sometimes, it's good to be a little silly and fun! I think LW is unable to separate people doing something that they personally find annoying, and people intentionally trying to annoy them.
Hidden Siri Commands and Unusual Responses | TechSpot Its not even really pushback. Im not sure it would work on modern creepy dudes. Why, whatve you got? with a tone implying that weekends are always full of important adulting chores that I really dont want to do, but adults gotta adult, you know? I dont know why shes not a foreign diplomat with all the people she can bring together. I really like this point! - Ogden Nash - Old timers, weekends, and airplane landings are alike. It all feels like a gross, stupid game I dont want to play. Why does it need taking care of?? Feeding a giraffe. She didnt have other plans; she just wanted to draw a line in the sand about him telling her what to do. Its not so much about stopping the question before it comes (pretty much impossible!) what about this would a person take personally???? But I explained that I feel like Im being put on the spot- and I would prefer that she just ask me what she wants. If they play extra coy with me, Ill just be extra cryptic in return. I will have to remember, the next time I must declare myself to a new prospective partner, to offer up the alternative plan of talking about dinosaurs for the next ten minutes and then never bringing it up again.
Tucker Carlson: Merrick Garland Is Persecuting Christians; Are You We had to interrupt her to say, We = mom and me, and you got mad so fast, we never got to say would you like to come along? This is a very funny response to give to "whats up." What are you up to? for those I am not interested in carving out space for.).